Difficult Conversations Skill

A structured framework for approaching challenging workplace conversations including conflicts, performance issues, sensitive feedback, and emotionally charged discussions.

When to Use This Skill

• Preparing for a challenging conversation with a colleague
• Addressing performance issues with a team member
• Delivering difficult feedback to a peer or manager
• Navigating conflict between team members
• Discussing sensitive topics (salary, promotion, termination)
• Handling emotional or defensive reactions
• Following up after difficult discussions

Core Framework: Preparation-Delivery-Followup

Difficult conversations succeed or fail based on three phases:

Phase 1: Preparation (Before)

Purpose: Set yourself up for a productive conversation

1. Clarify the Issue

   • What specifically happened? (Observable facts only)
   • What is the impact? (On you, team, work)
   • What do you need to change?

2. Check Your Emotions

   • What am I feeling? Why?
   • Am I calm enough to have this conversation?
   • What might trigger me during this conversation?

3. Consider Their Perspective

   • How might they see this situation?
   • What constraints or pressures might they have?
   • What do they care about that I can acknowledge?

4. Define Your Goal

   • What outcome do I want?
   • What is the minimum acceptable result?
   • What am I willing to compromise on?

Phase 2: Delivery (During)

Purpose: Have the conversation effectively

1. Open Neutrally

   • Start with facts, not judgments
   • Express intent to understand, not accuse
   • Create psychological safety

2. Share Your Perspective

   • Describe behavior, not character
   • Focus on impact, not intention
   • Use "I" statements, not "you always"

3. Listen Actively

   • Ask clarifying questions
   • Acknowledge their viewpoint
   • Look for shared interests